This might be one of the last personal posts that I post on my blog. At least deeply personal posts.

It’s been over 2 months since my Mom died and a lot of things have changed around here. I’m still in the midst of reorganizing the apartment. I got a new desk and sat up my “office” in the living room. I’ve turned my old office into my “craft” room. I got a new sofa while my best friend from high school Amanda was here visiting the weekend after my Mom died. I’ve cleaned out all of her things, mostly and donated what I could. I kept a lot of things and hope to have her T-shirts turned into a blanket.

I realized why I hated cooking and that’s because it was with her cookware, so I bought my own.

My Mom was a pack rat, so I’ve had a lot to go through. Of course, so am I. Not with stupid things, but with VHS tapes from the 90s and early 00s. I have two big tubs full of them. They are not going anywhere. I still have a VCR. I’ve transferred a lot and put on YouTube, but I’m not nearly done. One day, I’ll finish.

Right after my Mom died, there was a leak in my closet so almost all of my clothes are in my living room on a rack, so may goal today is to finally get them back in my closet and organize that. And my bedroom is a hot mess because it became the catch-all room while reorganizing. That’s my goal tomorrow.

Plus I need to make room for new things like my LiteBoxer thing I won from the Kelly Clarkson show. I need that to punch out my frustrations.

But how am I doing? It’s a mix. Emotionally, I’m a mess, but I can still do my job and things I need to do. I’ve been burying myself in work and my “fun work” with Backstreet Boys. I’ve tried writing a new story, but I haven’t gotten much done on it.

Last night I had my first grief therapy session and she suggested I start a journal of my feelings. That’s why I think this will be my last personal post here. I do want to make this more professional, but it’s better to write this type of things here than over at BSBFangirls.com.

Other things going on:

• I’ve started a podcast/show over on BSBFangirls.com called “The BSB Fangirl Life.”
• Melanie C., better known as Sporty Spice from Spice Girls, wrote the foreword for my and Emilia’s book. We will be starting press on that soon.
• Hopefully getting my title change at work soon even though I’ve been doing the job for over a year.
• My Etsy shop is back up and running.
• I was in the virtual audience of The Kelly Clarkson Show and won some stuff, which was fun.
• I bought cake decorating and baking items because I’m going to try to see if I can decorate cakes after watching all these baking shows on Netflix.
• I’m also #TeamMeganAndHarry. (I need to make a longer post on my feelings on King Charles.)

I’m getting back into the swing of life, sort of. I’m trying to do what’s best for me. Because of that, I’m not going home for Christmas. I was going to have a celebration and bury half of my Mom’s ashes in our family plot on her birthday weekend in January, but I’ve called that off. I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready to face that yet. I know I can’t put it off forever, but right now, yeah. Not ready.